of raya and exam

salam and hey everyone.
so this year's raya is really something.
i get to celebrate it in india, a day before practical exams start.
so guess what i did?
went to the mosque to pray and went back home to study.
and honestly i don't feel that sad.
i don't even care
i mean, i am happy i'm alive to celebrate our victory.
but other that than, it's just another day, another date.

and exams?
i don;t even care that much
for microb and DM i even study flippantly.
i know i shouldnt, but then again what do i study for?
to be recognized? to get awards? to be famous?
i know i wanted 4D, but coming nearer to exams i don't even care that much
i just wanted to pass.
and i realized that it's actually good for me.
because when you are too attached to something duniawi;
and when Allah takes that from you,
you will fall, hard.

i used to think that being excellence in studies is one of few things i have.
like some have so many friends, while i dont
and some have other talents, i dont know
so it's like being a nerd is my thing.
but then i would worry, what if Allah takes that from me?
what if Allah wanted to test me, by falling me in any subjects or whatever?
i am not strong, i never have real test in life, just few small bumps.
but i dont know if i am prepared to be tested that big,
so i started to draw myself away from studies.
don't get me wrong, i still struggle and study hard.
it's just that it doesnt matter that much anymore.
it's okay if i am average. it's okay i dont get recognized by the college.
as long as i pass my BDS and will be a dentist, then i am content.
anyway, it's not like the results depend on my hard work,
it's all Allah's gift. and He only look for our work, not the result.

which reminds me one of the sharing session i had.
my naqibah said that some people struggle hard, work hard but still get low grades and we only study a little but we get high grade?
but what we don't know is the value in Allah's eye.
the results doesnt matter, it's the struggle that He sees.
and it hit me hard.
i'm the type that study flippantly and get good results.
so i wonder just where do i stand in His eyes. and that makes me sad :(

okay moving on.

now is the semester holidays, i have plans to travel to Australia,
just pray that everything will go smoothly and our journey is blessed.
but before that, nothing planned.

oh lemme tell you our journey home.
did i tell you everyone of my friends passed year 2?
so we'll be continuing in malacca after this, Alhamdulillah
few days before the trip back home were pretty stressful
we need to handle everything in short time.
not to forget that we need to pack the boxes during ramadhan AND exams
so yeah.
but after sending the boxes home, it felt sad.
and after practical exams, selling our home stuffs to juniors,
emptying the house, it was really sad.
so why was it stressful?
we need to close the account bank (which i never did)
we need to terminate our RP
selling the scooter (bye2 john)
getting back our advance payment for the house,
buying saress and packing the already excess luggage
but for my group i am thankful that we didn't face much trouble.
for domestic flight the guy only charge me for 15kg even though my bag excess for 25kg lol
other than that i can say it went smoothly Alhamdulillah
i remember breaking down 2 hours before our journey
because my bag excess so much and the house manager still didnt give the money
but then Allah help me, and during the journey i remember feeling calm
masyaAllah. so never under estimate the power of du'a

there are actually a lot of things i didnt do before leaving manipal for good
and a lot of stuffs i didnt buy.
but nothing we can do about it now.
for manipal, and the teachers, and everyone there,
i thank you for giving me such wonderful memories.

love;

nadia :)

May

Hello again.
I realised my first post for this year was in march. So now i'm posting again for some update. Just so you know i'm not dead. Lol

Reading back the previous post, i have to say my 'relationship' with him went downhill. I dont know what happened, but we drifted apart again. This time on a completely new level. We were talking but we didnt say much. It was normal but sorta awkward. Or was it just me? I was trying to get over him, but how easy do you think it is to forget someone you meet everyday? And having to pretend everything is okay when all you wanted to do is slap him in his face with a chair because you hate him that much not because he did something wrong but because of how you are when he's around. And it kills me. I dont want to like him anymore. All i want is a peace of mind and a heart without any feelings towards him and without pain. Is that so much to ask for?

Other than that life is pretty okay. I had one time where i was totally depressed and the major contributing factor was him and i was in a bad shape, mood and time. But Alhamdulillah i got over it. I started tennis again and my mood improved significantly, and so does my shape lol.

Now i'm in block 4 and i havent started revising for finals. I tried but then i got sidetracked. Anyway lately i was always tired eventhough my days were not full. Maybe it's the weather.

I only have like 3 months left in India and then i'll be back in Malaysia for good, insyaAllah provided i pass my finals. I dont really know how i feel about it. Happy because i dont have to be so far from home. But sad because i know i'm never coming back to India again. You get accustomised to something so of course there's a part of your heart that get attached to it. So now we will enjoy our days in Manipal.

I think i'll stop now. I'm writing just so that when i log in again, i know how i felt about what happened. And it will bring nostalgia to myself.

Till then, toodles.

Love;

ndia :)

2014

hello everyone.

i cant believe it's march already and this is my first post.
guess that i dont have much to say.
or time to write.
but i'll be lying of course.

first thing first, papa mummy ciknit and pakcik came for our India tour.
i can't say that it was amazing in general,
but i have some awe moments.
the trip, in short, is just so-so.
the Taj Mahal was great, but in the end, it's just a building.
nothing much to see in Delhi.
Kashmir was amazing, but the timing was not right so we didnt see much.
one thing though, the men are handsome. even the carpet guys. lol
and how they pronounce snow as se-now
that still crack me up till now. haha
and lets not forget i get to try skiing although just for 10 min.
but that was enough.
it was sad that i only get to play with snow for 2 hours. not satisfying.
but Allah knows better, as always.
and i lost 5 kilos for travelling in India. huh

2nd thing, despite my complain of comfiness in my own house and watching movies non-stop,
i still managed to top my friends during 1st block.
it's not that i'm proud (although of course i am, who wouldnt, right?)
but it goes to show that it's not our efforts that count, it's because of His mercy.
sometimes i get scared.
i'm afraid i'll become too comfortable and take things for granted.
and i'm afraid that this nikmat will only brings me further from Allah, nauzubillah.
and for second block, i still do okay although not as inspiring as during 1st block.
i remember after viva pharmac, i almost cry (although i did shed some tears) because i blanked out.
i can't really answer the simplest question, and i felt very stupid that time.
but just now i checked the result and i got 7/10.
it's not as bad as i think it was. Alhamdulillah.
this block we're gonna have another viva for pharmac,
so i'm gonna be extra ready and calm to get full marks like adl and amy. haha

then of course i'm gonna talk about him
i was reading my last couple of posts and how i was whining that we drifted apart.
but guess what? we are now closer than ever.
adani asked if it was like last year's close.
but i think this is a new level.
last year it was more like a friend.
this is more like a flirtationship. though i don't want to put it like that.
and the worst (or maybe greatest?) thing is that my mum seems to like him
and i kinda, sorta admit that i like him to mummy.
but i dont know. i said it as a joke.
one thing for sure is that if we ever get serious, then i dont have to worry about parental approval. lol

i started reading john green's books and they are awesome!
john green might write young adult novels, but they sure contain more morals and themes compared to other novels.
it's like reading paulo coelho, for children.
my favourite would be Abundance of Katherines. and Will Grayson, Will Grayson coming second.
you would think that john green is writing about something, but midway the story changes and you realize the theme is not what you think it is.
i love how john green put real characters.
not everyone is handsome, hot or cool.
his characters are nerd, fat, physically challenged or self-centered.
it makes the story more real and you can sometimes connect with the characters.
his books make me think about life, how we perceive others.
sometimes you can detect a pattern.
his hero is usually a smarty-pant, a non-popular geek.
and usually he falls for the first female character introduced.
and the female would be wild, mysterious and really hot.
in Looking for Alaska (spoiler alert) you wouldnt believe that john green actually kill Alaska.
but that's what the story is about.
death. Alaska died in a car crash. but what actually happened during the accident?
it makes me think, what if it was me? or my friends? or my family members?
but you wouldnt know what actually happen, you know.
it's between Allah and them.

which brings me to the missing of MH370.
it is a wonder how a plane can be missing, for 2 days now.
if it crashed, it should be found by now.
if it was hijacked, it should landed somewhere, people should notice a plane.
i mean come on, it's a frigging plane.
and from this issue, Malaysian are showing their stupidity.
it is embarrassing you know.
this is a national headline, and when people log in online to read about this,
they can see how Malaysian are fighting and coming up with stupid theories,
blaming one another.
whatever happened, all my prayers go to the victims and family members.

maybe i should stop here.
since coming back to block 3, i havent started study yet.
i'm watching Greek, and it only reminds me how i LOVE cappie.
then i went and bought novels, so it only made sense to finish the novels first.
now i really need to start studying to keep up the performance.

till then, toodles.

love;

ndia :)