sucks and sucks all the way

i don't really have time to write blogs anymore.i mean,even if i have the time,i am too lazy to go to the student center.wait till i buy a broadband,then maybe,MAYBE i'll write everyday.okay,not everyday,but kerap enough.

i started to think that i'm anti-social. i don't know,it is me or people don't want to be my friends?but honestly,sometimes, even when i go to certain groups of people,they tend to ignore me.or it is me that don't try to talk to them?but hey,takkan tiba-tiba nak jampuk cakap orang?kan kurang ajar namanya. and then, when u're in group,u have to wait for everyone before u move to the next destination.i know,friends wait for each other.maybe i'm not the friends type because i hate waiting.it's not like i have so many time to spare (even though i still write my blog now,LOL).so i just kinda do my own things by myself.my syg told me to make friends so i won't be lonely,but what he doesn't know is i'm just lonely when he's not there for me.i know that what he said is true,but then again i don't know if it's me or the people..and u know what's the worst part is?people are just so ignorant and selfish. like when they called for a meeting or something,they don't really care about others; whether others can hear them or not, they just want to talk.and sometimes,they don't inform people at all about a meeting,and then started to blame the people for not attending it.i mean, WTF? some of the people are great,they care about others and they are nice to others,and in meeting,they asked for others' opinions.but some of them are just bullshit and i really hate that kind of people.

i know that ib program is not like A level;A level only study and study..and i wish i get the A level program because i'm only here to study.i love to study and i love to do my homework.don't tell me because i know i don't have a life.but tell u what?when u're in a group,u're in a group.and i don't like being in a group.so that's all.

maybe someday i'll try to be nicer and friendlier to others,but not now.

so ciao bloggers.got a bio report to make :)

kekosongan hati

mungkin orang lain ingat aku bahagia,aku untung,aku bertuah.tapi apa gunanya tuah kalau hati tidak rela?apa gunanya bahagia kalau jauh dari si dia?orang lain mungkin tak faham,mungkin faham.lihat aku tak bererti faham aku.dan faham aku tak semestinya jadi aku.

terlalu banyak dugaan dan cabaran sekarang.ya,aku perantau,seorang pengembara.kepada siapa harus aku mengadu nasib?orang yang diharapkan tidak selalu berada di sisiku.mungkin aku bersifat keanak-anakan,tapi itulah aku.ada masalah,sila pergi mampus.

semalam ada senior cakap,perempuan jangan duduk seorang diri.nanti menarik perhatian kaum adam.huh,dia xfaham aku.dia xpernah jadi aku.dan dia xkan jadi aku.apa salah duduk sorang sorang hah?aku suka duduk sorang.senang nak buat kerja,xpayah susah susah tunggu satu kampung baru boleh gerak.dan ada aku kisah kalau aku menarik perhatian orang pon?selama nie aku hidup sendiri kan?aku tak nak susahkan orang lain.tapi hati manusia tak boleh menipu,tak boleh menolak fitrah dunia.kadang kadang aku sunyi,hatiku meronta ronta inginkan teman.tapi aku sombong,aku takkan mencari teman jika hanya untuk sementara waktu.aku sudah punya teman teman,walau jauh tapi aku tetap sayang diorang.dan mungkin seperti kata chia wei,aku rasa seperti mereka di sisi kalau aku duduk sorang sorang.tapi dia juga cakap,merindui itu sangat pedih.dah pedihnya tak terhingga.pedihnya menusuk jantungku.pedihnya menikam nikam hatiku.betapa aku rindu zaman aku bersama teman teman dan sentiasa gembira.

semalam ada juga rakan kelasku cakap,kenapa nampak sedih.mungkin dia perasan bahawa senyumku itu senyum hambar.memang,aku masih tak mampu untuk senyum.memang,aku sedih.kenapa?kerana aku rindu pada teman temanku.sekarang aku hanya mampu mencuba untuk menjadi kuat..kita takkan tahu betapa kuatnya kita melainkan menjadi kuat hanyalah pilihan kita.

hidupku dah berubah.memang berubah.tapi aku takkan sesekali berubah.

Kolej Mara Seremban

please please please tell me u're kidding?OMG,this building i'm living in now aged around 50 something.it was the first MRSM ever.yeah,the school building.and i'm living in the hostel.urgh!

i cant believe this.1st,the bangunan is buruk.and old.and ancient.and historic.and the most important is it's a dorm!urgh!3 in a room and the room is super small.double urgh!the toilet is still in the building but outside the room and the whole floor have to share.triple urgh!and the worst part is,there is no hot shower.come on man!what century are we living in?

oh not only that..the best news is there is no wifi in the room.fantabulous right?now i'm writing in the student center or whatever it is called.but nevermind,i'm gonna be busy anyway.

correction.i'm not taking A-level but IB,that is International Baccalaureate for dentistry.so i have 6 subjects.other ib students told me that there will be loads of assignment.so cheers nadya!she said that ib is easier that A-level because AL study deeper but ib just study the basic part,or something like that.other thing is,we're gonna have sports activities,which is included in the subject.huh,great!

the meal?6 times a day,but the hour of each meal is so short.only 30 min or an hour.kedekut!it's like living in the plkn again,just minus the washing our own dish part.and they have dobi,but of course due to schedule.and the worst of the worst is we have to wear only baju kurung for classes.superb..urgh!f.u.c.k!anyway,we can only go out until 7 pm,not that i have anywhere to go or anyone to meet.

oh,i miss my syg so much..i can't believe that i'm far from him again..i want to cry but i can't considering i'm at the public place and there is just so many people here and i already look like a complete idiot and i don't want to look stupider than now..hold on tears..syg,i miss u so much..i want to meet u again.i want to see ur smile again.i want to hear ur voice again.aiyo,so jiwang.

oh there's another thing,i have to catch up with the 1st batch student.3 weeks of lesson which i miss,i have to read it on my own.i cant be more happier.

so maybe that's all.i'm gonna go back to asrama and sleep.toodles bloggers!

p/s=i miss the chinese-and-indian surrounding :(

last day :(

my eyes are so red from crying.i haven't finish crying yet,but i have to write this.

yeah,it's cool that i finally got an offer from MARA for an A-level study.but the ironic thing is,i don't want to go.not that i have other choices.i mean,it's good that i got a scholarship finally,(okay i think it's just a loan,but still,it's MARA dude!) but i love being here,in AIMST,kedah.yeah it's true that i eats breakfast,lunch and dinner alone,but i like it.hello,i got friends,don't worry..and that's why i don't want to leave this place.i'm just starting to mingle with others.*sigh*

another huge reason why i don't want to leave kedah is because of syg.hello,he's he reason why i'm here in the first place,to be near him.i can meet him over the weekend and that's ecstatic already.and after 2 weeks living here,this stupid MARA called my mum and told her i'm chosen for the scholar.huh!and know what?i'm going tomorrow.i have to register at Kolej Mara Seremban this Thursday.so today is my final day here.just when i started to love this place.i hate hate hate this!

guys at AIMST,i will miss u guys even we only know for a short while.u are the best because always 'puji'ing my english.u know who u are ;)gonna miss u :(

i'm running late for physics class.better get going.
toodles

hari ahad

hai semua bloggers.hari ini saya nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu lar.dah lama tak tulis melayu.ya,saya tahu,saya punya bahasa melayu tak lar seindah bahasa melayu blogger yang lain yang berbunga-bunga,tapi tak kisah.janji saya bahagia.

hari ini merupakan hari yang teramat sangat membosankan.saya bangun pukul 11.30 dan terus makan tengahhari,sarapan pagi entah ke mana.lepas tu,waktu petang tadi saya tengok movie saja.tak ada buat apa-apa yang menarik.

oh,waktu dinner tadi agak menarik sebab saya makan dengan classmates saya.dia orang cakap english saya bagus,rasa nak berguling ketawa tadi.haha.tapi tak apa,itu dah menanam keyakinan dalam diri saya.saya pasti boleh survive hidup kat sini.haha.

esok dah start kelas.mesti belajar.aduh,saket kepala.harap-harap saya tak tidur dalam kelas esok.nadya,dah lar tidur dalam kelas.awak bukan budak sekolah menengah lagi,dah masuk universiti pun.kena lar rajin-rajin belajar.

resolution: jangan tidur dalam kelas lagi.pasang lar strategi,apa jua cara bagi mengelakkan tidur dalam kelas.がんばっ

lain kali kita sambung,tata

day 5.

first homework ever!do a mind map on carb.oyeah!but tomorrow i'm going out.my roommates are gone home already.so lets hope i'll have a good weekend.anyway,i'm not going out with syg,just with my friends..i hope i can meet syg,i miss him so much.

so,my day today is a little bit boring.oh,i slept during physics class..damn me,i know.but i can't help it,he was sooooo boring.anyway,i can't understand what he was talking about.i only slept during last 5 mins lar.i will study about that motion tonight.somehow i had a nice chemistry lecture,probably because it's so easy,it's what we learnt during form 4 and form 5 and i had already revise it last night.

i had tutorial class at 3 so after lunch i took a nap.i set the alarm at 2.30 but somehow i slept back after turning off the alarm.luckily i woke up again at 2.45.i'm the only person who turned up at 3 pm sharp while everyone was already in their seats.don't let it happen again nadya.

erm,i think that's all for today.and maybe this week is the last week i can write blog everyday.next week i'm going to be busy studying,which is something i love.haha.

so,toodles!

day 4.

i feel good today,apart from my stomachache of course.so i woke up on time and made it to class on time.oh,nabilah saved a seat for me so i sat like,at the front.not really front but in the middle lar.the 1st period is eng,miss tina asked us to write a para about where we will be in 15 years time.when writing,i got the funny little feeling that she will called me out to read.and it took her after 2 people to call me out.i was trembling,everyone can saw it.but nevertheless,i read my para,and i skip the line that's inappropriate.and maybe people were listening because they gave a little laugh.then the next subject was maths.oh mr rama2 was talking nonsense that i felt asleep.that's when i had stomachache and feeling nauseated.

then today i had eng tutorials.miss tina asked us to pair up and get to know each other.after that,we have to introduce each other to the class.and when she's walking,she told me that i had a nice para that morning.i was smiling from ear to ear.and when it was me and fiona's turn,we had a nice intro i think.because everyone was like,oohh,,ahhh,and clapping.made me feel great.and after the class,some of my classmate talked to me.hey nadya,u're not a freak,people want to be your friend!anyway,thanks to those involved for making me smile :) and i've decided that i love eng class.not that i ever hate eng.and i'm not so shy anymore. :)

so,i think that's all.i'm happy today :) and lots of smiley for u guys :)
so,toodles

day 3.

l think I can smile now. we've made up. He finally forgave me.so relief.

anyway,at bio class today i'm so sleepy.oh,i woke up at 7.15 and ate breakfast and go to class.the 1st period was eng,miss faustina is a pretty young lady.she reminds me of the bollywood star.the bad news is that there's gonna be an impromptu speech on the 4th week.now that scares me.she said that it's okay to make mistakes,everybody makes one.but u know what?i think i can do that.i mean,i started to feel comfortable talking eng despite the weirdness of how i sound.hey,they're not eng too.the 1st thing u need is confident.and that's all.who cares if i speak bhs rojak?they understand lar!

so what else?oh,maybe i can survive here.i've made friends.and tonight i'm going to warm up my brain a little bit.study time!so thats all,toodles!

day 2.

yikes!i woke up at 7.45 am.amazing that i can showered,ate and made it to lecture on time.subuh xmiss,dah solat baru tdo blk.haha.anyway,i sat at the last row,alone.not that that mattered.

class,as yesterday,dismiss early despite the lecturer unwillingness.after wasting time in the library looking at some rich guys in forbes magazine,me n nabilah went to the cafe and at that time,i ate breakfast properly.just 2 slices of toast and teh tarik,but it was satisfying.aahh.then we when back to class.shockingly,mr lim talked longer than other lectures,and he even finished late!and i was freezing to death in the lecture hall.remind me to bring a jumper next time.

well,so far that's it.wait,i made friend with another chinese girl whose in the same class as me.oh.mr lim is the physics teacher and unsurprisingly,we did some revision on linear motion.made me regret that i didn't spend just time to revise on form 5 textbook before coming here..nevermind.

anyway.i almost cry in the lecture hall.i cried just now.i spent time last night and this morning,contemplating about my life now.and tonight i will take some time again to rearrange my life..i know i can handle this,but does he have to do this?now?again?looks like he's giving up,and maybe he had,long ago.maybe it's just me holding and trying to fix something that he doesn't want anymore.all been said and done.and,it's done.

thats all bloggers.bye

day 1.

urgh!stupid shoes!stupid stupid new shoes!they gave me blisters,on both legs!i sure looked like a fool this morning with this bloody pair of shoes.i wont wear it again.urgh!

so this morning i have bio n maths lecture.oh,turned out that i'm not the only person whose name was not in the list.they're lot more and i'm in c2.oh again,i met that another malay girl.she's nice,i can tell that she misses talking in bm.haha.i met the myanmar girl,at first i thought she was muslim cause she's wearing a tudung-like but she's not because her name is weird.then what else?the lectures didn't start lecturing yet,they just gave 10 min briefing and class dismiss.did i tell u that my tutorial this evening is cancelled?i'm so gonna sleep in.and know what?i'm so gonna wear jeans tomorrow.it's fine and surely okay,duh.i'll wear baju kurung on friday only,maybe with stupid shoes again.i really really need to fine a new pair of platform heals.oh,not platform.just a ballet shoes will be fine.but i'm not comfortable with ballet shoes in baju kurung.it feels weird.nevermind.

the other thing that's on my mind is books.mummy said that i have to check with abang whether i'll be using the same book.i hope so because i wanna save the money.pearson brand huh?remind me of that name.and u know what?i woke up late this morning!i missed subuh,damn u.no,damn me actually.i heard the alarm at 6.15,and thought,just another min.so at 6.20,the alarm went on again and i turned it off and dozed out again.stupid me.remind me to kodha' mu subuh after this.

maybe that's all for today.another boring day.syg is busy and i'm so free that i have nothing to do.nevermind.
till then,toodles!

B O R I N G

do i have to spell it out to u?bor-ing!yesterday was great,i met syg!so happy to meet him again.at lunch i ate with this girl and she showed me the timetable and the library.well my name was not in the list so i didn't know which class was i'm in yet.and the schedule said that we will have bio n maths lecture first thing in the morning and only after that we will be divided to our class.so i'm wondering now,do i have to go to the lecture straight away or do i have to go the office first?i think i better go to the office first lar,because my name is not in the list yet.hurm.

what will i wear tomorrow?this thing feared me the most among so many other things.haha.i've decided to wear a baju kurung.and anyway,my roommates will be coming home today.i'm kinda like being in my house alone.it's nice.nor scary,maybe a little bit boring but it won't be awkward.maybe after i'll get to know these girls,i'll get along with them.just wish me the best of luck for whatever the occasion okay?

well,that's for now.tomorrow i'll start a brand new day,and a brand new me.hey,gotta remind me to wake up early tomorrow.

till then,daa bloggers :)

new chapter begins!

finally!finally finally i have something to tell u guys bloggers.i am at AIMST university!and alone.urgh!

yesterday i told u that i'm at the hotel right?so this morning papa got really really sick that he had to go to the hospital.he was warded.i'm worried sick; 1st because of him,2nd because i haven't register at AIMST yet.so mummy and abang,luckily we have abang,took care of my registration.and we have so much problem because; 1,we don't have offer letter; 2,we don't have money,it's with papa.when everything was done,papa was released,i was given a room with the malay senior.well,thank you madam.but now my problem is,they are all gone home and i don't even know any single person.i don't know if foundation students will have any activities tomorrow.well,i have to ask people.i have to make friends.i mean,what am i going to do this weekend?sitting in my room,alone??i didn't care about eating alone at the cafe,what worries me is if i miss any activities.

yeah i cried when mummy was leaving.i cried when i hug teddy for the last time.i cried when i called my syg to tell him about this.i cried when i'm writing this.for the 1st time ever i have to live alone.NS is different because everything is being handled there.and there are LOTS of malay student.hey i'm not being racism okay?it's just so weird.only 10% of the students here are malay.when i walked to the cafe just now,i saw chinese and indians,but no malay.u know what my heart said? 'horror oh horror!'..then i saw 2 malay girls,but i don't sit with them because they look older.huh.i'm just wishing that at breakfast tomorrow,i'll talk to any foundation students.i need to know the schedule.

oh bloggers,just wish be the best of luck.and anyway,this could be probably the last post i made.maybe i'll be busy after this.huh.just wish be luck okay?

di sini bermula

selamat 10.50 malam semua bloggers.kelmarin hari jadi saya,jahat awak ye,xwish pun kat saya.sedih saya.tapi nasib baik kawan2 saya ramai yang wish.tersenyum lebar.dah lar ada orang belanja mcdonald plak tu.oh,kbmall blackout time saya makan mcd.haha.pembawa sial.xkisah.

so hari ni saya dah bertolak ke kedah.in fact,sekarang pun tulis blog kat hotel.esok daftar aimst university,amek foundation in science.so semua yang tertanya2 tu,inilah jawapannya.haha.

aish,nervous gak.orang lain dah daftar lar hari nie,saya je daftar esok.suka hati je nak daftar lambat,macam u bapak kite plak.haha.xkisah,janji dapat masuk.

erm,agaknya tu je lar kut.esok saya update lagi ye,tu pun kalau tak busy.

toodle bloggers

dirty little secrets

since i know that not even a single human living in this earth will read my blog,so i came across this idea to confess about my little secrets that MAYBE no one knows-yet.if u are about to read this,kindly keep ur mouth shut :)

SECRET 1
i talk to my TEDDY.a lot.the whole time.and i make he talks too.like i have a friend.and in fact,he's my BFF,true BFF.i keep his pictures in my laptop,in my phone,and i even print out one of our best picture.i'm telling u,i'm a teddy freak.i'm thinking about bringing him with me to college,but he's so big.and anyway,he's not a boy.he doesn't have any gender.and he got friends too.but he doesn't really close to other friend,he's only close to me.by now,u must think that i'm a delusional weirdo right?somehow,i don't care.

SECRET 2
i think my close friends know about this secret already.it's not a secret,it's a dream.i dream of becoming a rich woman,a rich working independent mom.the type that u see in movies.u know,the leading lady with a work suit and a prada bag with a matching prada shoes.she'll wear a big sunglasses and red lipstick.when she walk into a room,every heads turn.she smells nice but it's not her perfume,it's her confidence.well,i want to be that lady.not a lady boss who everybody hates,but the one that people respect.what a big dream i have,right?

SECRET 3
this is the secret that i'm sure no one knows.even if they knew already,they think i'm joking.but it's no joke,i really want a better body.u know the type of body like the Hollywood stars have?well,i want one just like that.with the perfect curve and the perfect height.but the truth is,i'm just so damnn lazy to exercise.i've bought like tons of magazine that features the right moves to get the right body shape,but i'm just too lazy to do all that.i've started last week,and i got some muscle cram then i stopped completely.such a loser,i know.but i can't fight the laziness in me.sometimes it occurs to me that having body like the stars is so sexy that everyone will look,and that will make me shy.of course i won't be embarrassed about my body,i would be proud with it.but i'm not the type that love attention(okay,i lie.i love being unique so people would notice me) especially to my body.so,maybe i'm fine with my bonny skinny now.

SECRET 4
i have just too many personalities!with the strangers,i will be the snobby type.well,i'm not snobby really,i'm just shy and i'm not the talkative type.i need people to make the first move and even after that sometimes i make the wrong moves that freak people out.i just don't know how to communicate with human being.with friends,i'm kinda noisy and sometimes quiet,depending on my mood.friends know that i'm not the type to show my feelings,and i'm the type that 'yeah,so what?'..sometimes i seem like a carefree but actually i care about so many things.i care about my friends,i care about the earth,i care about politics (now i'm lying again).with guy friends,i talk harshly.people that don't know me will say so unladylike i am,but that just the way i treat guy friends,the way to differentiate between 'just friends' and 'boyfriend'.with friends that i barely know,i am a demure nadya(wink2).with my lovely syg?i'm nothing but a spoil,crybaby,attention-seeking fragile little girlfriend :P ..okay,it's not really true,i'm bad-tampered,no,not bad-tempered..what's the word?fierce?not really,but i will get mad and while he will sulk,i will be flaring.of course i will sulk too,but not as often as he does.and he doesn't get mad as often as i did.wait,he never get mad like i did.so the conclusion is?i'm one of a kind.

SECRET 5
i'm a neat freak.okay,not a freak yet but somehow i'm becoming closer to be a neat freak.okay,so i lie.i'm not a neat freak at all.and surely i don't suffer the neat-freak-disorder.i forgot the name,but it has a name to it.well,the secret is i'm near-to-systematic person.my mum is a self-claimed very systematic person,and maybe i got it from her.i always wrote down the list for almost,just almost,everything..the wish list,the study list,the to-buy list,the to-do list,the to-bring list and the list goes on.sometimes,i even write a list about what i thought,of course i only do this when i'm so boring.i'm near-to-systematic because i don't really keep things in their places.not as bad as dad,but still it will annoy my mum.when i'm in the mood,i will tidy up everything,and i mean everything.it started at my work place and then it became contagious.one place after another,and the real job that needed to be done was somehow far from finish.i like to keep my things in their place actually.i have this box for hair clip,hair ribbons,comb and brushes.this box for make-up items.this really-really big box for old teddies.this box for books.this pencil case for important stuff while another pencil case for less important stuff.this book for writing notes while this book for writing diary.and do i need to go on?

SECRET 6
i love writing even i know nobody reads.and secretly,i hope that people read and comment.i love writing in english especially,because i will puke if i wrote in malay.hey,i'm not showing off nor do i forget my roots,it's just that mum teaches me english since i was a toddler.i wish i can speak like this,but my pronunciation is so bad that maybe no one understand my english.and when i speak,i have no time to check my grammar.it's just so broken that i don't speak english.and that's the main reason i wrote in english,because i can't speak them.

SECRET 7
i'm easily bored.now don't get me wrong here,but i'm easily bored with things.and colors.and games.and gadgets,especially if i'm not good with them.that's why i don't buy expensive things,because i will get bored with them,sooner or later.and that's why i don't really have favorite color.probably u would guess my favorite color is pink because many of my stuff is pink in color.but not really,i've change from pink to coral.i used to hate orange and yellow,but now i could live with them.and the only one thing that won't get me bored is talking about myself.right now,i'm not bored yet.but i'm running out of ideas already.and the only person i hope not to get bored with is my bf.and i sure hope he doesn't get bored with me.

i'm really-really running out of ideas,so toodle!