luahan hati.

aku rasa post nie aku nak luahkan semua yang ada kat hati aku sekarang nie. memang pelik tadi baru post then nak post lagi tapi aku peduli apa.

aku bukak facebook tadi then nampak ada orang buat status then tag2 orang then ada orang komen. so dafuq yang aku nak marah gila nya adalah those are the people that used to be my friends and when i broke up with the stupidass ex-boyfriend of mine, how come he stole all my friends? and then aku yg lonely loser nya? fuck gila lar weyh. then aku pikir balik, fine kalau diorang betul kawan aku takde lar diorang nak kuar hangout segala bagai tak ajak aku, makna nya takde lar kawan sangat kan? sekarang aku rasa fuuuucccckkk gila.

i mean, what's wrong with me? kenapa aku selalu hilang kawan? apa salah yang aku buat haaaah??pernah aku rampas pakwe korang pernah?? pernah aku fucked up hidup korang pernah??sebenarnya aku tak kesah sangat diorang kuar tak ajak aku, i mean aku bukan gedik sangat nak kawan dengan diorang tapi diorang kuar dgn ex bf aku yg sbnr nya takde kaitan dgn dyorang tu pahal? eh gua tak kesah lar kalau lu nak kapel dgn dia skrg tapi like the fuuuuccckk! aku sekarang mmg rasa shitty habis lar, aku tak tau nak buat apa. aku tgh nangis tapi aku rasa nak mencarut je. aku mmg tak tau apa nak cakap.

ntah lar weyh. mmg aku nie loser yg forever alone kut. maybe ada lar kebaikan di sebalik setiap kejadian, i've think a few. macam diorang kuar ramai2 lelaki perempuan, dah berlaku ikhtilat yg tak perlu, so mungkin dosa dibuat. then aku tauw friends come and go, and aku rasa maybe diorang have to go sbb diorang tak membantu dalam proses pembaikan aku. aku kan nak berubah jadi baik, so i need good people surrounding me for this process to be successful.

still, aku rasa macam nak cakap kat diorang go to hell you all motherfuckers! haha. bitches got hurt.

aku dah rasa okay sket minum yakult layan2 9gag. haha

okay who cares if i'm a loser now? i will InsyaAllah be a successful person in the near future, amin.

that's all.

the best of 2011

Bismillahirraham nirrahim.
the third version of the best of! not much to write about but i'll try my best.

the best people

papa and mummy

okay the 1st one would still be my parents, but my dad in particular perhaps. that's because he's been very supportive towards my high-maintenance-bitch-attitude. haha just kidding LOL. but seriously, i've been a spoil brat and asked for several things and yeah he bought the things for me. examples are fossil watch, a huge luggage to go to India next year InsyaAllah, a new perfume and many more. i just want to say thanks and these things, how materialistic they seem, inspired me to study harder and try harder and just do my best for my IB and make them proud. while my mom, she's a mom. she took care of me and hell i've been sick (not literally like sick sick, but sick) and she took care of me. i don't know any other way to say it. she's just a great mom.

ashikin, adani, alyani.

why do they have the same initials? huh. anyway shikin featured in last year's best of if you remember and she still features in this year huray! haha. so these are my best friends from KMS. ashikin is from penang, alyani is from rawang and adani is from kelantan. well i will never admit she's a kelantanese because she's not but her home is in kelantan so, yeah she's a kelantan-stayer. haha. what makes them featured in this list is that they really rock. like ashikin, she's the top student and she helped me a lot in almost everything, be it academic related, boy related or fashion related stuff. alyani, she's with me in math and eng class so she suffered together with me, and that's what makes us close. and she is really nice too, like she will never be a bitch like me. then adani, need i say more? she's in kelantan so we can go out together, she's a little bit like me so sometimes she get on my nerves haha and she's like a reality check to me. i don't know, sometimes if my head is too high in the sky she will bring me right down onto earth. i just hope that we will stay friends even we go our own ways.

MD64

okay here's MD64 in general. i have to say they're becoming better! like the boys are more open now and that's great! the girls are still the girls, but i have to say, i think the drama part in high school, well i didn't experience that with MD64. so that's cool, like really cool.

the best moments

the dumping time

call me a bitch, but as far as i remember, that's the best moment in my life. the moment i'm free. the moment of happiness. i didn't even cry. of course i cried beforehand but that's not the point. the point is i didn't love him anymore and it's just not working out, and i dump him and i never regret that. yes i admit sometimes i think about getting back together but i never do it and for that, i praise myself. i'm really better off without him, seeing how he still didn't change after all this time. huh. now don't be an emo bitch, peace motherfucker.

bayai trips

so bayai is a place we go every saturday to do our cas project. i have to say i really like going to bayai. it's like the only time we get to forget KMS but still do things with the class, we get to help the kids. i used to hate kids and now i still hate them but little less every day HAHA. of course dramas occurred but looking back, that's what make it interesting. what else do we do in bayai? i remember the most memorable part was the majlis penutup where we camped at bayai for 3 days. it was tiring but somehow remarkable and amazing. what makes it wonderful was the fact that i spent time with people i love and care.

junior's registration day

why is this day one of the best moment? that's because i'm involve backstage! okay let's be clear, i was in charge for the fruit stall. the night before we sleep late preparing the fruits, like cutting, packaging and storing. and the next day i had a blast selling it because that's the time me and friends had a search out for potential hot juniors HAHA not kidding =.= and we had a guessing game how many juniors come free hair and will wear tudung and also another guessing game called who's the IB students. it was a hell lot of fun.

the study groups session

the second sem, the study group session was terrific because we played a lot. but for the third sem, the study group was still terrific because, well, we study a lot. can't say that really but during this time we study math, so i cherish these moments.

the hangouts

yes i hangout a lot, but not at kbmall. that's and the fact the people change, is the difference. i hangout at seremban 2, terminal 1, lake garden, taman malaysia, midvalley (once) and other places now. and the people? of course my friends from KMS. i didn't complain, they're part of me now.

the Big Bad Wolf Booksale

you know why this is like the most important moment in 2011? because it't the humongous book sale ever! and the books, which normally being sold at rm 35++, were being sold at rm8. like dafug? so i went with aqilah for the first time, abang pickup me up. and the best part was i bought books like crazy then we went to eat kenny rogers and i bought subway, which is my favourite now. the second time i went with aqilah (again), khairiah and fazlina. well faz went with me because she wanted to eat subway haha. but why is this thing important? the first time i went, was the day before my TOK oral. like a boss,i know. the second time we went? after math P2, still like a boss, i know. so that's why it's the best moment.

* you see how my life revolve around KMS and everything about it? it's like this is me now, and my old friends? i dont know, didn't spend much time with them anymore. i'm busy, they're busy. and my raya really sucks, cant blame anyone though. but ezzaq did came and he made my day :)

the best subjects

didn't change, still chem HL and math HL. but i can say for sem 3, i think i'm becoming smarter in math HL HAHA :p

so that's it i think. nothing much right?

nevertheless i still think 2011 is not bad. maybe the reason i had memory gap is because for sem 2, i was the junior then for sem 3, i am the senior. so there's like a huge different between these two sem and i seems to forget things. never mind.

2011 is not bad. brings me joy and happiness, and of course the tears. but that's what makes life memorable.

let's just wish 2012 brings many more joys and happiness to me! and wish for my best for IB final exam too! :)

love;

19 year old ndia :)

contemplating

hey bloggy, surprise that i wrote twice this month?
well better believe it because i will have to write once more for the best of 2011 post.
but as for today, i just want to tell you something that i realised just now.

i went out to meet two of my best friends to give them their birthday presents.we met, we had a drink and we talk. well actually they talk and i listen.
and i discovered that i've changed. that's good because i always change.
but i realised that what a mess they are. i dont know, i'm not saying i'm good and all that stuff, i used to be like them or even worse, but just listening to their stories i felt guilty.
they're my friends, i was supposed to help them find the right way, do the right thing.
i mean, i tried giving advises, but when you're friends for too long you laugh at anything your friends say even though they are being serious.
and then, i was grateful that i found my way and i feel stronger than ever to change to be a better person.

maybe that's my number one resolution. change to be a better person.

i think on new years day i will write about my 12 new year's resolution. 12 for 2012.
and before 2012 i will have to write about the best of 2011.
and i have no idea what to write about.
2011 just flew by me that i dont even remember anything good (exaggerate)
no but seriously. i think something is wrong with me.
i had fun but nothing major, its just normal fun.
of course maybe some favorite moments, but it will never be the same as the first post of 'the best of'.

you know that 2012 is approaching fast and i'm about to go back to college, but i still do nothing everyday.
i know its unsafe, unhealthy and the future me will curse at me now for wasting so much time but i just dont know what to do.
study? like i have the mood.
works? finished (i think).
chores? errr haha.

and to think that next year will be the last year of ib, i'm glad but at the same time scared. that means i will have to sit for my final exam aarrgghhh.

oh i just remember something. someone used to say my behavior is so ridiculous that no one can accept me. and my friend used to say that i play hard to get really hard, like really really hard to get.and maybe i didnt really know how to reply to flirts, but you guys know what? ''brick walls are there for other people, for those who dont want it badly enough''. and i held on to this saying. if anyone wants me, then it wouldnt matter if i'm ludicrous, hard to get, furious and all that stuff, they would try their best to get me and only then i will know they are sincere with their feelings.
i'm done dealing with flirts, once bitten twice shy. you thought that they would change when they meet you but you know what? they would change before they get you, and if they still havent change when you're together than they just didnt worth it.
i thought i had the heart of rocks, but i wouldnt risk myself falling in love with a flirt anymore.
okay i'm not saying i hate flirts, it's just a safety precaution for me. and anyway, i want to be a better person right? so i want to deal with good people.
though i own you a big apology. no scratch that i do not own you any apology you kiddo. deal with me.

i think i'm running out of ideas to say.
p/s: you featured in my dream last night. you must miss me then haha

love;

ndia :)

talk.

fuyyooo.
dah lama gila tak update blog kan?

sebenarnya niat bukak laptop nak update blog,
tapi blog walking jap,
layan youtube jap,
dah malas nak tulis.
haha.
nasib.

tauw tak taun dpn last sem aku utk IB?
damn, takut gila doe.
tapi still boleh lepak chill kan?
haha.

petang tadi aku pasang langsir,
tangan aku ketar2.
bkn ptg td je, selalu lar jgk.
aku risau jgk kot,
sb kan movie love and other drug tu, Anne Hathaway umur 26 tahun tapi dah penyakit parkinson.
tapi tgk family history takde pulak yg ada parkinson,
so aku mcm tenang sket.
tapi mmg keturunan ketar2. haha

okay ptg tadi baru belajar macam mana nak buat ikan garam kunyit.
teruk gila perangai.
umur 19 baru belajar goreng ikan.
huh.
takpe, akan aku qadha'kan semuanya after habis IB nanti.
nak belajar masak betul2
nanti malu doe tak pandai masak
haha.

mak aku suruh study
i played too much
tapi cuti2 nie,
bosan tahap mana pon,
takde benda nak buat tahap mana pon,
takde tempat nak lepak macam mana sekali pon.
aku takkan rasa nak study punya laaar.
okay fine ada jgk buat homework math tu,
tapi malas gila doooee
aku bkn tak tau nak buat camner,
cuma malaaaaass.
arrghhh!!

okay cukup lar merapu.
baik aku makan toblerone
(takde kaitan haha)

eh wait,
skrg mmg trend kawen awal eh?
huh.

love:
ndia :)