it's been a while.
and by a while, i mean a month maybe?
i dont know.
i've been busy, and i didnt have much to say.
so why bother to write when you have nothing to say?
but now, i'm inspired to post something.
just something about my life, which i can write, because nobody's going to read anyway.
so the good news first.
i scored perfectly in the last test.
which is perfect.
i'm happy, and proud, and thankful.
but i'm also nervous, it means that i have to work extra hard to keep up the good work.
and if i fail badly after this,
it will be a huge shame.
but nevermind, i'll work to keep making myself and everyone around me proud of me :)
so moving on.
about the domestic life.
nothing really.
his new gf called me last week,
to apologize.
apparently, i'm the pathetic loser.
like, what the hell.
come on, i dont even need him anymore.
and he went around telling people i still hope for him.
grow up, i have my own life.
which is complicated enough without u in it.
why?
because i happened to like this man, who already has a gf.
okay, scratch that. a BOY.
not really a man, saying he's a man makes me look old.
oaky, so.
i kinda like him, i know it's wrong.
and i stopped, momentarily.
now it's back!
i think it started again when he started to be nice to me again.
we commented long in facebook,
then he wished me goodluck for my test.
i mean, every one else didnt do that.
it's sweet you know, even though he just mean it as a friend.
okay, it's nothing really.
but when i wishes his birthday,
he said thanks, and called me something that he shouldnt.
i dont know if he had the wrong number.
but who's counting?
then i realised that he always stare at me.
i mean, i know people stare at me.
i think i have an alien face,
but this..
i dont know, he always has this sweet smile when he looks at me.
and i realised that i've been waiting for him,
to comment something on facebook,
or to post on my wall,
or to text me.
whatever it is, it involve him. and me.
and i know this is so completely wrong,
about him having a girlfriend.
whom everyone knows about.
about me not wanting to be the third person.
about me knowing how it feels when your boyfriend cheats on you.
but what am i worrying about?
if he doesnt even like me?
the problem is, he's sending signals.
and my friends can see that.
but maybe that's how boys are.
they want to test their ego.
i think i'm the criminal here.
it's like i'm encouraging him to flirt with me.
and yes, i flirt with him sometimes.
when i feel like it.
i know, it's bad.
but i can't help it.
and now it's hurting me.
i mean, it's not a problem to him.
he's a boy.
he's made up of steel.
but me?
i'm made up of sand and paper.
can be crushed and torn apart.
and now i'm falling apart.
for some stupid reasons, right?
nevermind, i will let time heal everything.
then, there's this another boy.
his kinda cute, and yes he is cute actually.
i actually smile a lot whenever i see him.
but i cant lie, the hurt is still in there.
and about this boy?
i dont even know if he likes me.
or even knows me.
okay, exaggerate there.
he knows me, he always find a way to talk or smile to me.
that's good news right?
but i dont know.
i dont fucking know a thing right now.
maybe i should just focus on being a student.
and study hard.
so i can maintain my grades.
yes.
let's practice what we preach.
"forget everything and starts studying, nothing else matters"
love;
ndia :)
