wait,so there is reason to be scared.or should i say,reasons?
first,my mom hopes for the best.i mean,me myself hope for the best,but it's just difference.she has high hopes for me,she expect me to excel in just about anything.her other kids are like that,and always she compared her kids to one another or us to other kids out there.like,she loves to ask about the best students in my batch,and compare me with them.i'm not a best student,i don't even came close!i know she does/did that to motivate me,but sometimes it's just stressing me out.of course when i failed in something,recently the jpj test,i was disappointed with myself,i knew i can do better,but when she showed her disappointment,she made it worst..i felt terribly bad.wait,let me catch my tears..
i love her,and to let her down is just the worst thing i can ever do.let's stop before i drown myself with tears.
okay,the second reason is the people.oh God!could they just stop saying "u need not to worry.surely u can score straight As."?i mean,how do they know considering i don't even so sure myself?and secretly,(not so secret now) they made it worse.way worse than my mom could make.what if i don't score straight As?where will i put my face?huh?i won't mind if it is certain that i'm going to grip the As in my hand,they can say all they want.but the thing is still unknown,they shouldn't go around saying things they seem so sure.and of course,when i say that things about then,they will deny it.'oh no that's impossible',unlikely!','yeah right.like that could happen' were some answers i get.and oh i get it.we just say these things to comfort each other..and the good thing is,it was like some prayer we read.so next time people say those things to me,i just say 'amin,God's willing'..
the last but surely not least is because i worked hard.i maybe not study hard,but smart enough,at least i think.i could say,last year,the exam year,i don't even care about other stuffs.people hate me?go on,like i care.friends ditch me?'sokay,i can find other friends.but the thing was,i never try to find other friend.i just concentrate on my study and i missed all the fun.i quit from my clique just because of study.at that time,i don't really care.sorry to say but i knew if i don't ditch them,i could never focus on my study.they were just having fun..i'm the type that follow the flow.if i'm with the brainys,i could be like them,of course not as good,but could do.if i'm in a gang,i could be a gangster too.that's my problem,i'm easily influenced by people or surrounding.sure i have my own rules and principle,but i could adopt myself to my surrounding.it was bad that i'm easily influenced,but i'm happy to know that i can survive given whatever the condition is.i'm a little bit sidetrack,let's get back.so i was saying that i studied hard for the spm,and if the result is not good enough,it just didn't worth it then.i fully regret to lose my friends,but it happened for reasons right?
i can't believe i wrote this long.my brain is a little bit rusty and i lose quite a lot of vocabs,but who gives a damn?do tell me if i made grammatical errors or just some stupid spelling mistakes.i'm practicing my english actually ;)
maybe i should stop.if my result is worth to be proud of,i'll tell the world..but if i don't say anything about my result after this,u know it.
till then,good bye people
love;
ndia
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