kekosongan hati

mungkin orang lain ingat aku bahagia,aku untung,aku bertuah.tapi apa gunanya tuah kalau hati tidak rela?apa gunanya bahagia kalau jauh dari si dia?orang lain mungkin tak faham,mungkin faham.lihat aku tak bererti faham aku.dan faham aku tak semestinya jadi aku.

terlalu banyak dugaan dan cabaran sekarang.ya,aku perantau,seorang pengembara.kepada siapa harus aku mengadu nasib?orang yang diharapkan tidak selalu berada di sisiku.mungkin aku bersifat keanak-anakan,tapi itulah aku.ada masalah,sila pergi mampus.

semalam ada senior cakap,perempuan jangan duduk seorang diri.nanti menarik perhatian kaum adam.huh,dia xfaham aku.dia xpernah jadi aku.dan dia xkan jadi aku.apa salah duduk sorang sorang hah?aku suka duduk sorang.senang nak buat kerja,xpayah susah susah tunggu satu kampung baru boleh gerak.dan ada aku kisah kalau aku menarik perhatian orang pon?selama nie aku hidup sendiri kan?aku tak nak susahkan orang lain.tapi hati manusia tak boleh menipu,tak boleh menolak fitrah dunia.kadang kadang aku sunyi,hatiku meronta ronta inginkan teman.tapi aku sombong,aku takkan mencari teman jika hanya untuk sementara waktu.aku sudah punya teman teman,walau jauh tapi aku tetap sayang diorang.dan mungkin seperti kata chia wei,aku rasa seperti mereka di sisi kalau aku duduk sorang sorang.tapi dia juga cakap,merindui itu sangat pedih.dah pedihnya tak terhingga.pedihnya menusuk jantungku.pedihnya menikam nikam hatiku.betapa aku rindu zaman aku bersama teman teman dan sentiasa gembira.

semalam ada juga rakan kelasku cakap,kenapa nampak sedih.mungkin dia perasan bahawa senyumku itu senyum hambar.memang,aku masih tak mampu untuk senyum.memang,aku sedih.kenapa?kerana aku rindu pada teman temanku.sekarang aku hanya mampu mencuba untuk menjadi kuat..kita takkan tahu betapa kuatnya kita melainkan menjadi kuat hanyalah pilihan kita.

hidupku dah berubah.memang berubah.tapi aku takkan sesekali berubah.

Kolej Mara Seremban

please please please tell me u're kidding?OMG,this building i'm living in now aged around 50 something.it was the first MRSM ever.yeah,the school building.and i'm living in the hostel.urgh!

i cant believe this.1st,the bangunan is buruk.and old.and ancient.and historic.and the most important is it's a dorm!urgh!3 in a room and the room is super small.double urgh!the toilet is still in the building but outside the room and the whole floor have to share.triple urgh!and the worst part is,there is no hot shower.come on man!what century are we living in?

oh not only that..the best news is there is no wifi in the room.fantabulous right?now i'm writing in the student center or whatever it is called.but nevermind,i'm gonna be busy anyway.

correction.i'm not taking A-level but IB,that is International Baccalaureate for dentistry.so i have 6 subjects.other ib students told me that there will be loads of assignment.so cheers nadya!she said that ib is easier that A-level because AL study deeper but ib just study the basic part,or something like that.other thing is,we're gonna have sports activities,which is included in the subject.huh,great!

the meal?6 times a day,but the hour of each meal is so short.only 30 min or an hour.kedekut!it's like living in the plkn again,just minus the washing our own dish part.and they have dobi,but of course due to schedule.and the worst of the worst is we have to wear only baju kurung for classes.superb..urgh!f.u.c.k!anyway,we can only go out until 7 pm,not that i have anywhere to go or anyone to meet.

oh,i miss my syg so much..i can't believe that i'm far from him again..i want to cry but i can't considering i'm at the public place and there is just so many people here and i already look like a complete idiot and i don't want to look stupider than now..hold on tears..syg,i miss u so much..i want to meet u again.i want to see ur smile again.i want to hear ur voice again.aiyo,so jiwang.

oh there's another thing,i have to catch up with the 1st batch student.3 weeks of lesson which i miss,i have to read it on my own.i cant be more happier.

so maybe that's all.i'm gonna go back to asrama and sleep.toodles bloggers!

p/s=i miss the chinese-and-indian surrounding :(

last day :(

my eyes are so red from crying.i haven't finish crying yet,but i have to write this.

yeah,it's cool that i finally got an offer from MARA for an A-level study.but the ironic thing is,i don't want to go.not that i have other choices.i mean,it's good that i got a scholarship finally,(okay i think it's just a loan,but still,it's MARA dude!) but i love being here,in AIMST,kedah.yeah it's true that i eats breakfast,lunch and dinner alone,but i like it.hello,i got friends,don't worry..and that's why i don't want to leave this place.i'm just starting to mingle with others.*sigh*

another huge reason why i don't want to leave kedah is because of syg.hello,he's he reason why i'm here in the first place,to be near him.i can meet him over the weekend and that's ecstatic already.and after 2 weeks living here,this stupid MARA called my mum and told her i'm chosen for the scholar.huh!and know what?i'm going tomorrow.i have to register at Kolej Mara Seremban this Thursday.so today is my final day here.just when i started to love this place.i hate hate hate this!

guys at AIMST,i will miss u guys even we only know for a short while.u are the best because always 'puji'ing my english.u know who u are ;)gonna miss u :(

i'm running late for physics class.better get going.
toodles