Dont worry, i'm still alive

Hi and hello!
Wow, i dont even remember about blog until just now.
I was thinking about sharing how bad my skin is, but i dont really wanna share with the world (my circle), so i remember this blog which no one ever read (except yani hahaha)

So straight to the point. My skin started acting up since last year i think (end of 2015), nothing major but it was still a nuisance.

Until recently ( last 2 mths) i got fungal infection, it was tinea. There was this round reddish dry skin on my left cheek that was so itchy, and it got worse after sweating. I dont know why i didnt check it up sooner, but i went to the gp and he gave me antifungal. And while at it, he saw i have several acnes, so he gave me antibiotics too. I took the pills for almost 2 mths.

While Alhamdulillah the tinea infection went off, i cant really say the same for my acne. I mean its not that bad, but still its there. And they keep coming too.

And i think around 3 weeks ago i noticed white patches on my forehead and cheek. Again, i dont know why i didnt go to the doc straightaway even i suspected panau at the first sight. I let it be until last monday a dsa ask whats wrong with my face. Then on tuesday a lect ask again, and shes worried that its the start of vitiligo. I mean; thats soooo not helpful! I was very scared i almost cry! So i went to a gp after class and thankfully she said it was only panau. Pheww

Nevertheless, panau took at least 1 to 2 weeks to go away, so i need to live with this now. Oh panau is another fungal infection, sth versicolor. So she gave me topical antifungal. And i apply it religiously in the hope it'll go sooner

So just now i was thinking, why cant i have normal looking skin? I mean, i understand the monthly pimple, but a whole gang? And whats with this fungi? Its not like i dont wash my face or change my pillowcase. Sibuk je nak naik kat muka orang.

It really affect my confidence level (not really, i still go out a lot lol). But i have low self esteem to begin with, and now having bad skin seems to bring me to another down. I wonder if strangers look at me, and think "kesian dia ada panau kat dahi" 😢.

But its okay. Its only superficial. At least all my forms and functions are still normal, Alhamdulillah.

So thats all i wanna luahkan today. Free2 i tulis lagi pasal kehidupan sebagai 4th year dental student.

Toodles!
Love; ndia :)

hello 2015

hi and hello!
its 2015 and i'm still lazying around.
if you've been following me (which is highly unlikely), you'll notice that i havent post the best of 2014.
to be honest, i completely forgot to write that.
then when i think of it, i cant really recall any best moment,
i mean, of course there are few good memories, but they are not that significant
so i'll write that later, when the mood and the idea comes

so some updates!

1. still in melaka, currently in 3rd year bds program. i am such a lazy person now, i dont even listen to the lecturers in class! its so bad because the subjects are for three years, meaning i'll need to take the subject this year and next year and will only be having exam on the final year. the human disease subject is the most horrible, terrible, miserable subject ever. i dont even know what we need to know! i dont know how to pass this year. then when it comes to clinical, i suck. i only have 1 patient so far and i was shaking when i was doing the E and D and scaling. i dont know how i'm going to be a good dentist if i dont improve :(

2. switching sports to squash! it was so much easier and more satisfying than tennis because we can hit as hard as we can. such a good stress reliever. but i am jack of all trade and master of none. whatever as long as i enjoy myself, right? :)

3. if we're gonna talk about that person, i think i'm already moving on and feeling better day by day. i mean its been soooo long since i last contacted him, and we dont even talk in class, it is obvious that i avoided him as much as possible, and at this point i dont even care if he was hurt by my actions because i need to move on. and 'once you fall in love, you cant never go back to being friends'. i mean, its not that i hate him, but i just cant see any reason to talk to him any more. i'm basically okay but i cant lie, sometimes at the mention of his name i still twitch. and at nights or when i'm feeling down and i think of him, it still hurts me, but not as much. let's hope this year i will be able to laugh about this whole stupid mess up things, shall we?

4. i realized that by the end of 2014 i was not a really good person. at first when i moved to melaka, i kinda distant myself from others. i dont know why but that was what i did. maybe i was adapting myself to melaka, but i'm glad that i'm better around people now. i realized i dont have any new year resolution, mainly because new year doesnt really mean anything to me anymore. i remember last year i have only 1 resolution, and i kinda stick to that until almost october. it was sad really that i fall back to where i stood before, but i dont know. not strong enough?

5. almost 5 months in melaka and not even once i go back to kelantan. there was a really bad flood that happened at the end of 2014, but Alhamdulillah my house and my family was not affected. but nevertheless it was heartbreaking to see all these houses got destroyed by the flood. i can only pray that those affected will be strong.

6. i spent a lot of money on unnecessary items. i should really stop doing that. new year resolution? LOL.

i think i should stop here. i'll write 'the best of' next time.
till then, toodles!

love;

ndia :)

of raya and exam

salam and hey everyone.
so this year's raya is really something.
i get to celebrate it in india, a day before practical exams start.
so guess what i did?
went to the mosque to pray and went back home to study.
and honestly i don't feel that sad.
i don't even care
i mean, i am happy i'm alive to celebrate our victory.
but other that than, it's just another day, another date.

and exams?
i don;t even care that much
for microb and DM i even study flippantly.
i know i shouldnt, but then again what do i study for?
to be recognized? to get awards? to be famous?
i know i wanted 4D, but coming nearer to exams i don't even care that much
i just wanted to pass.
and i realized that it's actually good for me.
because when you are too attached to something duniawi;
and when Allah takes that from you,
you will fall, hard.

i used to think that being excellence in studies is one of few things i have.
like some have so many friends, while i dont
and some have other talents, i dont know
so it's like being a nerd is my thing.
but then i would worry, what if Allah takes that from me?
what if Allah wanted to test me, by falling me in any subjects or whatever?
i am not strong, i never have real test in life, just few small bumps.
but i dont know if i am prepared to be tested that big,
so i started to draw myself away from studies.
don't get me wrong, i still struggle and study hard.
it's just that it doesnt matter that much anymore.
it's okay if i am average. it's okay i dont get recognized by the college.
as long as i pass my BDS and will be a dentist, then i am content.
anyway, it's not like the results depend on my hard work,
it's all Allah's gift. and He only look for our work, not the result.

which reminds me one of the sharing session i had.
my naqibah said that some people struggle hard, work hard but still get low grades and we only study a little but we get high grade?
but what we don't know is the value in Allah's eye.
the results doesnt matter, it's the struggle that He sees.
and it hit me hard.
i'm the type that study flippantly and get good results.
so i wonder just where do i stand in His eyes. and that makes me sad :(

okay moving on.

now is the semester holidays, i have plans to travel to Australia,
just pray that everything will go smoothly and our journey is blessed.
but before that, nothing planned.

oh lemme tell you our journey home.
did i tell you everyone of my friends passed year 2?
so we'll be continuing in malacca after this, Alhamdulillah
few days before the trip back home were pretty stressful
we need to handle everything in short time.
not to forget that we need to pack the boxes during ramadhan AND exams
so yeah.
but after sending the boxes home, it felt sad.
and after practical exams, selling our home stuffs to juniors,
emptying the house, it was really sad.
so why was it stressful?
we need to close the account bank (which i never did)
we need to terminate our RP
selling the scooter (bye2 john)
getting back our advance payment for the house,
buying saress and packing the already excess luggage
but for my group i am thankful that we didn't face much trouble.
for domestic flight the guy only charge me for 15kg even though my bag excess for 25kg lol
other than that i can say it went smoothly Alhamdulillah
i remember breaking down 2 hours before our journey
because my bag excess so much and the house manager still didnt give the money
but then Allah help me, and during the journey i remember feeling calm
masyaAllah. so never under estimate the power of du'a

there are actually a lot of things i didnt do before leaving manipal for good
and a lot of stuffs i didnt buy.
but nothing we can do about it now.
for manipal, and the teachers, and everyone there,
i thank you for giving me such wonderful memories.

love;

nadia :)